Accidental Misfortunes
by Leosgem
Summary: Lily has always been the apple of James' eye. James as always been the bane of Lily's existence. So what did James do now? Just for fun! Oneshot


"Where the HELL is that slimy, raven haired git?" came an irate cry from a livid Lily Evans. Any innocent bystander knew automatically to move away, as the flaming red head tramped past them.

Lily Evans was incensed with fury, and was out for blood. The blood of a certain arrogant, narcissistic ass also known as James Potter to be more exact. The same prick who, by the time she was through with him, would regret ever messing with Lily Rose Evans!

When she reached the Gryffindor tower, Lily bumped into an unsuspecting Remus Lupin, who had just exited through the portrait hole, laden down with a copious amount of books. Normally Lily would have been happy to see Remus, and would have asked him about his current novel, but not today. Today, Lily was on a mission. So the only form of greeting that passed through her lips were" Where is he, Remus?"

Poor baffled Remus looked at her in confusion. "Where is who, Lily?" he asked, wondering if she was alright. But his keen primal instincts told him that this was not the moment to ask her if her sanity was in check.

"Who else can it be? That insolent idiot that you consider to be one of your best friends!" Lily snapped, in no mood to be polite.

"Ah I see!" Remus said, biting back a smirk. He should have known that when there was an enraged Lily, James Potter was some how involved. "He's in the common room, taking a nap by the fire, I believe!" Remus answered.

"Thank you Remus!" Lily said, giving him a smile. It seemed that even when she was out to kill, her inbred mannerisms never failed her. "You don't mind if I borrow one of your books, do you?" She asked saccharine sweetly. When she got a confirmation that he didn't, Lily picked the top book of f the pile, and turned to go into the Common room. But before she went she said,"Thank you Remus. I'll see you later!"

Muttering "_Gillyweed"_ to the Fat Lady, Lily stepped in through the portrait hole.

She wasn't surprised to see that everything was just as she had grown accustomed to. In the corner she saw the studious first years, who weren't yet tainted by the laziness that seemed to be inflicted upon many classmates in her own year. The key example laying a few feet in front of her.

Almost instantly, upon entering, Lily had spotted the mass of unruly, ebony hair peeking out from behind one of the most comfy couches in the room. And if the midnight mane wasn't enough, Lily knew this was the insufferable git she was looking for, since there was a group of giggling girls, fawning over the sleeping form.

Ignoring the rather inane bunch of fangirls, Lily stormed up to where James' figure lay, in what seemed to be a peaceful slumber. Raising Remus' borrowed book up above her head, Lily let it drop; making sure it had a nice even landing on James' face.

"OW!" James cried, snapping awake, and howling in pain. He sat up, and was surprised to see the very woman who had been haunting his dreams not moments ago. "Merlin's fucking beard! Evans! Might I inquire as to what I owe this rather painful pleasure?" he added, not knowing if he wanted to strangle her, or run. He had seen her this mad only once before, and that was when he and Sirius were terrorizing Snivellus by the pond.

"James Devlin Calix Potter!" Lily raged, glaring down at him. "You had better have a good explanation as to why yet another one of my boyfriends have found the urge to dump me!" Lily fumed.

"How the bloody hell do you know my full name?" James asked, startled. Then his trademark smirk graced his lips, all traces of disbelief gone. "Why Lilyikins, my dear! I have no idea why any male would let go of such a divine creature such as yourself!" James said smugly, rubbing his forehead which was taking on a bright shade of red.

"Potter, I'm warning you. If you so much as bat an eye in the direction of a guy that I might even show the slightest interest in, I will curse you with a spell so deadly, not even Malfoy would have heard of it!" Lily said.

"Get over yourself, Evans. As if I'd waste my time concerning myself with your personal affairs!" James said flippantly.

"Oh don't give me that, you conniving, manipulative, womanizer! I knew you were behind all those 'accidental misfortunes' Jack and Daniel had to go through. I'm actually surprised they stayed with me as long as they did, what with you on their tails the whole time! I hope your happy, now because of your antics; I'm destined to live a lonely spinster's life!" Lily said, throwing James daggers with her eyes.

"Evans, have I told you how cute you look, when your this angry? Your cheeks get all flushed and your eyes almost crackle with the anger that you're undoubtedly feeling. I must say, it's quite alluring! Now as to your loneliness problem, you know you can actually say yes when I ask you out, and fix it quite immediately. Plus, I think you're much too pretty to become a spinster," James said, grinning at her.

"Oh shut it Potter, I don't know why you even bother! You know I'd much rather purposefully fail an exam than go out with you. Besides, I'd think you'd be a bit preoccupied. I hear it isn't easy deflowering the female population of Hogwarts!" Lily snapped.

"Ah, do I sense a bit of jealousy, love?" James said the laughter evident in his voice.

"In your dreams Potter. I'm just surprised that the fathers of these _young_ girls aren't after you yet!"

"Well that's because of my sweet and charming personality, and dashing good looks, both of which you seem to be immune to! I wonder why? Although I'd hurry up and say 'yes' if I were you! You never know when I might change my mind about my proposal."

"Oh I'm not worried about that, Potter. In order to change your mind, you'd need to obtain one first!" Lily said sweetly, giving him an angelic smile.

"You wound me, Evans! I dare say, only someone with as much intellect as I can devise such mischievous plots, to drive you completely insane!" James answered with a roguish smile.

"Oh go to hell Potter, and stay as far away from me and my dates as possible!" Lily cried, her patients running thin.

"You know I'd never go anywhere without you! And if you'd simply go out with me, there would be no need to for further casualties. So in all actuality, you'd be doing mankind the greater good by going out with me!" James said, smirking.

Lily growled in frustration and said, "You never give up, do you? Well I can't stand you, Potter! Please, for the sake of all that's good and sane, try to get that through your over inflated head!" And with that Lily marched up the Girl's staircase that led them to their dorms. Once at the top Lily stopped and called down to James,"Oh, and kindly return that useful book back to Remus, please!" With that she slammed the door behind her, as she entered her dorm.

While Lily tried to will away the growing migraine that James undoubtedly was causing upstairs, the raven haired boy leaned back against the couch with a satisfied grin on his face. 'There really isn't anything more gratifying than pissing the hell out of Lily Evans!' He couldn't help thinking.


End file.
